FAQ: Our Screen Time Usage
Screen time, and its uses for a corporate mom.
With Spring Break coming up, this question “how do you manage screen time when the kids are home” has been popping up more often than not in my direct messages. Hopefully this FAQ addresses a wide range of ages but feel free to scroll to your desired age below.
General feelings about screen time (as I sit staring as a screen).
Our family is not anti-screens. My husband both use computers for work (me especially in creating content), and we both really enjoy watching movies / tv shows. Screens are an integral part of our family nights, and we would never rid our household of TV because it is a form of enjoyment. Also, technology is unavoidable (in my opinion). That said, I prioritize reading in the household, so for a home who loves all forms of media, I still run a pretty tight ship on what’s “permitted screen time”. This does not mean I dislike, avoid, or refuse screen time, it simply means I would prefer them to read, create art, go outside, or even ‘be bored’, so I make a conscious effort to establish parameters that trend away from screen time and towards other activities — and honestly, having screen time as an *perk* is much more useful to me than it is as a crutch. This is said without judgment to parents who may have to use screens out of necessity for other purposes. Even then, I acknowledge our limited use will change as they get older and have more access to screens (for school needs) and etc., but by then, I hope they’ll have a strong foundation of enjoying books such that they can manage books and TV alongside each other in a safe and non-addictive way. (We can only hope).
General Guidance.
You don’t need me to lecture you on the recommendations here. There is plenty of data on the effects of screen time on children. Peruse here, here, and here. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends the following screen time limits for children:
2 and under: No screen time (except for video chatting)
Ages 2–5: One hour per day
Ages 5-17: Generally no more than two hours per day, except for homework
Age 0-3:
In practice, while we aimed to follow the AAP guidance, I know the realities is that if you have small children and work or want want to enjoy a meal, you probably will use some screens occasionally. I would say “less than moderation” is key. Here’s what worked for me. When my kids were 2 and under, I did not have remote work, so both girls stayed with with my parents until they were 18-24 month (thereafter transitioning to Montessori). At home, it was strictly no screens unless FaceTime with family. BUT at my parents, I decided early on that I wasn’t going to micromanage the free childcare. They more or less respected my wishes of limiting screen time and thankfully my mom is probably more strict than I am regarding screen time. However, I do know that my dad watched golf (and still does) when the kids were around, and that they’d often throw on a 15-20 minutes of BabyTV so my mom could cook dinner (around 12-18 months). Asides from that, we had little to no screen time at this age. When dining out, one of us leave the table and would walk around with baby in hand (exploring the restaurant; walking around outside, etc). Yes, it sucked, but we took one for the team as it was something important to both of us.
From 18 months - 2.5, screentime rules were loosened but mostly same as above. For dinners, we kept them short and brought activities. For my older one, we did utilize screens on occasion if (1) we planned for the dinner to be lengthier than usual (ie. a 12-course banquet or catching up with friends once in a while) or (2) if another friend with small kids brought the screen out first. IF/when we offered a screen, it would have to be after meals were finished, and I preferred shows more musically inclined or calm/educational songs (e.g. Super Simple Songs; Daniel Tiger), but I also know programming has dramatically improved since then (e.g. Miss Rachel).
Ages 3-5
For better or for worse, the pandemic hit and we didn’t have long indoor dinners anymore. By the time we re-entered restaurant world, the younger one was old enough to play with our older one, and we entered the world of coloring pages and craft activities — screens magically became obsolete at meals. (See my Dinner Kit at the end). My girls fit the stereotype that “girls can sit still and just color” to a tee. Not to rub it in but it was glorious, and it was the best thing that ever happened. It also leads me to believe that you can wean off screens because - hey we did it! Al fresco dining also helped dinners feel more relaxed, less stuffy, and more freedom to “roam around the dining room”. My kids do get stir crazy now, but they’re also older so keeping busy isn’t too hard.
Ages 6+:
We’re now at the scary age where they can navigate Netflix and Disney on their own, log into their school classroom site, and play Pokémon Go. Nevertheless, at 6 and 8, I have pretty media sensitive kids. I don’t know if it’s just inherent in their personalities (probably) or the result of delaying and restricting screen time in earlier years, but it’s both a blessing and a curse. It’s only a curse because they’re set in their ways and too sensitive to watch a lot of media out there. There’s only so many times I can or want to watch the same few shows and movies). But at the same time, it’s a blessing because they don’t really want to watch things without me. I have a good idea of what they’re consuming at all times, and setting limits is easier when they, themselves, know they are sensitive to certain media.
On a typical weekday, they’re in school, after care, or at my parent’s house. There is frankly very little time to watch TV at home on those days. I know my mom allows them to watch a short episode while the other kid is showering (repeats to self: “not micromanaging”). On weekends or days I have to work from home, they do ask for screen time. I don’t always say yes, but if homework is done, meals are done, things are relatively tidy — we will do weekend morning cartoons or Friday night movie night. We often out Friday night or weekend morning, so I’d say it’s more likely an “either or” situation.
If they’re on school break and I’m working from home, I limi screen time to two episodes of approved shows (usually runs 40 min based on the shows they like at 20 min per episode). Screen time usually occurs after the lunch hour, and I will time that with either an important call and/or work block. If my important meeting is in the morning, then I will offer the above after breakfast, and that would be it for the day. That said, I’ve certainly gotten side tracked with a long call or work block, so I’m sure they’ve watched up to 1 hour on occasion. They actually know to cut it off themselves without me asking.
On the same work-from-home/school closure days, I also allow 20-40 minutes of tech time. This can be OSMO, Khan Kids Academy, Edclub Typing lessons, or logging into their school page to do activities within the portal (Math Games, Reading Games, Google Drive to type up stories). It can’t be back-to-back with TV, and the less TV they watch, the more tech time they can have or vice versa (up to a maximum total screen time of one hour per day except on movie nights and up to a maximum of 45 minutes of tech time). Maxing out is rare.
Other rules:
No complaints.
Complaints about not getting TV when they ask or complaints when asked to turn it off is an immediate loss of privilege to ask the next time around. They’ll have to wait until I offer again when I feel they’ve earned the privilege back, and they know I will hold to it. Tough luck.
No screens in the background.
One of my most firm rules is that unless we’re actively watching TV, it’s simply not on — for anyone in the family. TV is not on for ambient background, music, nor white noise. It’s off, and there’s no expectation for it to be on.
Limited phones at meals.
I’d like for this to be as ‘firm’ as my rule above, but in reality it’s much harder. I’m working on it, at least for myself. As the kids have gotten older they’ve started to call me out on being on phone at dinner so i’ve started to physically the phone away and out of reach. I want to model this for when they will have phones (which isn’t going to be any time soon). They want me to pay attention, and I should.
Screens in the household.
Just for reference - we have two TVs (one in the primary bedroom and one in the living room). The primary bedroom TV has only been turned on once in the last 18+ months. We inherited from my husband’s bachelor pad and never got rid of it. We have one shared family iPad and we usually limit to the latter half of a road trip or during permitted tech time. It stays in the family room.
Asides from work laptops (one each), the family has a shared Macbook. Recently over Christmas, due to increased school work being requests for both girls on the computer, we gifted them an Acer laptop from Costco. They are both family computers and to be shared equally. The girls are permitted tech time on the kitchen table (only) using either the Macbook or Acer.
My Dinner Kit.
Books, books, and books.
Stencil and Market Kit (***best best best purchase, if I could only recommend one item it would be this)
Pencils and LOTS of erasers
“Hidden Picture” Sticker Books
Printed Sudoku booklets (from Krazydad.com)
Pretty much anything Mondo Llama:
Pretty much anything OOLY
OOLY coloring pages (I photocopy so the girls have duplicates)
OOLY coloring markers (Color changing, Dual tipped, scented gel pens, etc)
Coloring supplies
Scissors
Wixi Sticks (not my fave)
In Summary.
At the end of the day, you’ll have to find what works for you and release the guilt of it. The less support you have, the more you may have to rely on screen time. I personally could not work from home with very young kids because I am not as willing to use more screen time to facilitate that. If you are struggling with the guilt of having so much screen time then I think rethinking remote work with kids at home AND no additional support or help - you should seriously consider rethinking the set up. I think if you are OKAY with using more screen time, then it is more doable for you.
Of course, there are screen free alternatives, which I also use (to be shared later), but you will have to determine the risks versus the trade off of it. You will have to determine your long term goals and whether use of screens will be a benefit or a crutch to you. The above analysis is what worked for me, with the very specific goals that I have, and I do believe it helps me manage screens better as they’ve gotten older, too. I know that phone access will be an entirely different ball game, and I will share my crowdsourced recommendations on that to come.
Leave comments for more discussion!